Day 7

February 6, 2011 at 6:07 pm 1 comment

Your Zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

I actually have to go look this up since the last time I payed any attention to my sign I was 13, reading 17 magazine and trying to figure out if the boy I liked would ever like me back by reading my horoscope and trying to ignore the reality of my awkward preteen self.

Googled my sign, have the results ready.

Let me break this down for you in pieces, as the description is actually quite long.

I will grade it like a test for whether or not I think it fits my personality. The numbers will tell the truth.

I am a Leo.

Your element: Fire

Okay, I guess I can see that. I mean, I do enjoy using fire to render my food digestible, and I much prefer heat to cold. I’m going to go ahead and give you this one, horoscope. one point for you.

Your ruling planets: The Sun

Okay, you don’t get a point for that one. If you look at it as a planet, the sun is the ruling planet of every goddamn creature in this solar system. Plus ITS NOT A PLANET, IT IS A MIASMA OF INCANDESCENT PLASMA YOU JERK. Minus one for fucked up science.

Symbol: The Lion

Yeah I would probably be in the housecat category of felines, and we’ve already come to the conclusion that my spirit animal is a slow loris (alternately: Liz Lemon) 0 points.

Your stone: Peridot

You know what? this is actually an excellent gross green color. I am totally behind this choice of stone, zodiac. 1 point.

Life Pursuit: To lead the way

Um, no. I don’t really want to be the head of any great movement, especially since those in that sort of position are often the first to become corrupt and horrible. False. 0 points.

Vibration: Radiant Energy

I, uh, I’m not sure what this means. Please explain your answers or you will not be marked correctly. 0 points for being unclear.

Leo’s Secret Desire: To be a star

As Carl Sagan once said “We are star stuff contemplating star stuff” so in reality I already am a star. 0 points, not for being incorrect, but for not knowing how much I love Carl Saga.

Overall rating for essential facts section: 1/7

Description section (3 points each)

– Love triumphs over all for this sign, which is ruled by the heart and operates from this dimension too. Leo’s are born fortunate. Charismatic and positive-thinking they attract not only an abundance of friends and opportunities, but manage to survive life’s stormy times with style and good humor.  **Note: I changed the words that were misspelled in this because I couldn’t handle it.

Don’t get me wrong horoscope, I’m flattered. But this cannot possibly be true. First off, I am the first person to admit that when I am in the middle of life’s stormy times I am not very likely to have any kind of grace about it, and anyone who has ever seen me dressed will tell you that I have a very limited sense of style. I am fortunate in birth, I was born with all of my parts and my brain working at top speed in to a family who loves and supports me despite my less desirable habits. Unfortunately you start this description off incorrectly. love certainly does not conquer all, and I am ruled entirely by my central nervous system. 1 point.

There are three levels of soul-evolution of the Leos. The highest is represented by the Sphinx; wise beyond their years and great teachers to others. The second is the Lion, King of the Jungle, ruled by ego but always protective and sustaining of those they love. The last is the Lion Cub, immature and undeveloped, frightened by anything new. These Leos cling to others (in the mode of the child not wanting to leave its mother’s side.) They can’t bear to be alone.

I.. what?

okay, putting aside the fact that this is ridiculous, this is totally a cop-out analyses. Every human being, I think, has the capacity to act and feel like every “soul-evolution”  described, and thus you as the horoscope-writer get to be correct no matter what. Hell, the same person could come back and read that three times and think of themselves as a different evolution each time and you are still right because you have crazy-talked  your way in to a broad range of self perception. 0 points for lack of creativity.

No matter what level they have attained, all Leos are trendsetters, leaders and adventurers. Their weakness is their pride. This is one sign where the saying “flattery will get you everything” applies, but be warned criticism will slam the relationship door right in your face.

owch, I would like to think I am not like this. I tend to be very accepting of criticism and feel a little nervous when I am not being criticized. Nonetheless, I would prove your point about being proud if I were to award you 0 points for this, so I give you 1.

Total for description section: 2

So, am I now a reader of horoscopes? will people who know nothing of space now determine how I live my life by looking at the stars? to see the final percentage please scroll past the lions.

Okay, so that’s 3 out of a possible 16 points on accuracy.

Sorry Horoscope, you only got 18.75% that is not going to pass in any school.

I guess I will have to continue my sad drudgery of a life based in logic and experience, oh well.


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Day 6 Day 8

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. DLJ  |  February 7, 2011 at 12:57 am

    Leo, or not, you rock (and roar) !! xoxox


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


February 2011
« Jan   Mar »

Most Recent Posts

%d bloggers like this: