Fambly, fear.

August 20, 2010 at 1:23 am Leave a comment

Tuesday my grandparents came to visit me for a couple days. We had lots of fun and did touristy things and I took no pictures and slept on an air mattress in my living room (wow, I realized how bad I need furniture.)

I love my grandparents, they are great people.

Now for a whiny anxiety-filled post, because a lot of things are starting up again and, well, its too late to go for a walk.

Anyway, because I have no new pictures, this post will be filled with some old ones I took back in chicago.

First, brief update! I got a job! but I also have orientation on the same weekend that I have training, and I can’t go to work friday or saturday since they are super important orientation days. But I have to go on thursday, so I’m going to have to miss the second half of thursday orientation. Now I’m panicking. I’m worried i’ll miss something important.  I’m going to call the school and let them know I will miss that and ask if there is anything I need to have that I won’t get by not being there. That was eloquent. Whatever. Its move-in day for the kids who are living in dorms and parent orientation, so I bet a bunch of kids will be skipping out for different reasons. ANXIETY.

I’m going back to art school. I am once again going to be judged on a daily basis. For me, art is hard and academics are easy. I mean, the act of art isn’t hard, and the work for academics isn’t easy.
What is hard about art is that its personal. You create something and put a lot of thought in to it, and then are judged by people who are better than you, or worse than you. either way you are judged in an outright fashion by strangers. In academia, you work hard enough at something and you do well. God, I am terrible at explaining things today. I guess the point is that its less personal in academics.

so i guess it comes down to the fear of being judged (negatively.) This fear is a huge factor in my life. Sometimes I can barely make it out of the door because of this fear. I have got to let it go.

let it go, self. go read a book and go to sleep.

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